The Fragile Ordinary Read online

  “Amen, sista,” Vicki joked, grabbing a bottle of soda out of the fridge. “My mum won’t let me drink coffee so I’m finding my caffeine fix in Irn-Bru. Lots and lots of Irn-Bru.”

  It didn’t sound like such a bad idea, so I grabbed a bottle for myself. I didn’t even bother offering one to Tobias because, to my horror, he hated the Scottish soda drink. He said it tasted like wet pennies. When I’d asked him how he knew what wet pennies tasted like, he’d responded that he’d once swallowed one when he was a toddler and his dad had almost had heart failure rushing him to the emergency room.

  “King.” Luke, his teammate turned around in line. “Ye ready for practice tonight?”

  “Yeah, looking forward to it.”

  “Aye, me, too.” His eyes flicked to me. “How’s it goin’, Comet?”

  “Hi,” I answered somewhat shyly, because he was Luke Macintyre. Before Tobias had arrived, Luke had been the hottest guy in school. Plus he was older than us.

  His dark gaze drifted over Vicki and Steph and then flew back to Vicki. “Hi,” he said, with undisguised interest.

  Vicki gave him this cool I don’t care who you are nod.

  Luke smirked and then turned his attention back to Tobias. “The team is over there.” He pointed to a table at the back of the room where four other guys, including Andy, were sitting eating and chatting. “Sit with us.” His eyes flicked back to Vick. “All of ye.”

  “Yeah, we’ll get you over there,” Tobias agreed.

  Luke was soon served, and he sauntered through the cafeteria with the swagger of a boy who knew himself, liked himself and knew most others liked him, too.

  “God, he’s hot,” Steph sighed.

  “He’s all right.” Vicki shrugged.

  I snorted, and she threw me a narrow-eyed look over her shoulder.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I just think he thought you were more than all right.”

  “He fancies Vicki?” Steph wrinkled her nose and then asked Tobias, “Does he fancy Vicki?”

  “I would know the answer to that how?” He paid for his lunch and when I went to pay for mine, I discovered he’d paid for it, too.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I said.

  He just grinned at me.

  “I take it we’re done talking about whether or not Luke fancies Vicki, then,” Steph huffed.

  “Yes, we are,” Vicki huffed right back, paying for her food. “Anyway,” she said as we walked toward the boys’ table. “I have to concentrate on my portfolio for LCF. I don’t have time for rugby players.”

  “Do you not want to sit with them?” Tobias said.

  “Oh, I can be friends with them,” Vicki replied. “I just can’t Netflix and chill with any of them.”

  It was Steph’s turn to snort. “As if you’ve ever Netflixed and chilled with anyone anyway.”

  “Like any of us have,” Vicki argued. Although Vicki had known I was eventually planning to have sex with Tobias, I hadn’t yet told her that he and I had already taken our relationship to that level.

  Tobias and I shot each other a look, mine knowing, his heated, and I squirmed at the reminder of our times together. I thought we’d been discreet, but I heard a choked noise behind me and turned to see Steph and Vicki staring at me wide-eyed. Steph’s mouth dropped open but before she could say a word, Vicki nudged her. As for me...well my face must have been the color of a tomato by the time we got to the boys’ table, knowing the girls would reenact the Spanish Inquisition as soon as they had me alone.

  I willed my embarrassment away as Tobias introduced us to the three sixth years we didn’t know—Michael Haddow, David Okonkwo and Mike Green. They were friendly enough, welcoming us to the table, seeming happy to have us join them.

  “So you guys are in King and Andy’s year?” Mike asked.

  Steph nodded. “Yeah. We’re the cream of the fifth year crop.”

  “I believe it.” Michael winked at her.

  My friend blossomed under the attention, taking turns flirting with all three plus Andy. Tobias joined in on the banter with the boys while I tried to overcome my boy shyness by joking back and forth with Steph. But my ears were also on Vicki and Luke’s conversation. As soon as we’d approached the table, Luke had touched Vicki’s wrist and gestured for her to take a seat next to him.

  “Fashion design?” I heard him ask her. His eyes never left her face as she answered.

  “Yeah.”

  “So ye could make a pair of trousers, shirt, dress, anything?”

  She nodded, smiling at his seeming awe. “I made a lot of the costumes for the school show at Christmas. Chicago.”

  His eyes widened. “No way. I saw it. My wee sister was in the chorus. Ye made all those costumes, really?”

  Vicki grinned harder. “Really.”

  “That’s amazing. I couldnae even work the sewing machine in home ecies in first year. Baked an epic Victoria Sponge, but dinnae ask me to thread a sewing machine.”

  My friend chuckled. “Well, I can’t tackle a six-foot-two guy and live to tell the tale so I guess we all have our talents.”

  Luke smiled, his gaze moving over her face and then her hair. He stared at it. “You have really cool hair.”

  “I know,” she said with attitude as if to say, I don’t need you to tell me I have cool hair.

  Instead of being offended he laughed. Hard. Drawing his teammates’ attention from conversation with each other.

  Luke’s answer to their questioning stares? “She’s funny.”

  They nodded, throwing Vicki curious looks, and just like that she and Luke were pulled into talking with the rest of the table. It surprised me how easy it was. How comfortable. The boys were laid-back and funny without being mean-funny like so many teenage boys I’d encountered. I could see why Tobias liked them all. And it seemed they liked us, too. We laughed a lot that lunchtime, and I wondered how it was possible that the new school term could be starting out so different from the term before.

  I’d been alone and mostly content with my isolation.

  Now the thought of sitting in this cafeteria by myself reading a book made me feel anxious.

  “Don’t you have a free period next, Comet?” Steph asked, jolting me from my musings.

  “Hmm?”

  “Free period, next?”

  “Uh yeah. I have two actually.”

  “Andy and I do, too. We were going to study together in the library. You’ll join us, right?”

  “I.e. help us?” Andy joked. And then he explained to the rest of the table, “Comet is wicked smart. She’s on the road to being Dux of our year.”

  I blushed at the acknowledgment. Dux was Latin for leader and the title given to the student who held the highest academic ranking. To be honest there were a few of us in our year good enough to be Dux. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  Michael nudged David. “Okonkwo is most definitely going to be the Dux this year.”

  David nodded confidently. “Probably.” He smiled at me appreciatively. “No need to be embarrassed, Comet. Smart girls are hot.”

  While everyone chuckled, I glanced at Tobias, who turned to David and just stared at him, a detectable warning in his expression that made the guys hoot with laughter. David held up his hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean anything by it, King. Cool your jets.”

  Tobias threw his arm around my shoulders and grinned wolfishly at David. “All good.”

  I rolled my eyes, blushing harder at his public claiming.

  After lunch Tobias kissed me goodbye and me, Steph, Vicki and Andy walked toward the library. Vicki’s home economics class was in the same direction.

  Steph groaned as we walked. “Com, you are so lucky to have Tobias be so into you.”

  “Lucky?” Vicki huffed. “She’s not a dog. He doesn’t have ownership pape
rs for her.”

  “Oh don’t make this about feminism.” Steph pulled a face. “Next you’ll stop shaving under your arms and claiming equal rights for women when what you actually mean is better rights for women than what men have.”

  Vicki looked murderous. “It’s misconceptions like that about feminism that give feminists a bad name. It’s bad enough guys are making those kind of comments, Steph, we don’t need girls saying them, too.”

  “Oh really. Well...the glass ceiling is made up.” She stuck out her tongue, obviously purposely riling Vicki.

  My best friend shot me a pleading look. “I’m going to kill her.”

  Steph and Andy laughed, and I grabbed Steph’s arm, pulling her away. “Stop teasing her.”

  “Why, when it’s so much fun?”

  “You suck,” Vicki threw over her shoulder as she marched away.

  “Go find Luke. He’ll make it better!” Andy shouted after her.

  She flipped him the bird without looking back, making us laugh harder.

  “So you saw that, too?” Steph asked Andy. “He seemed into her, right?”

  “Oh he fancies her all right.” Andy grinned.

  The two of them had their heads together as we walked into the library, and I just knew I was going to have a hard time getting them to study. It turned out they were both the worst gossips ever. Of course, that meant they loved each other. In Steph’s case, I could see as the afternoon wore on, that it was a platonic kind of love. As for Andy, if that glowing look in his eyes when he looked at her meant anything, I sensed unrequited love on the horizon.

  * * *

  As useless as my study buddies that afternoon proved to be, they were a good distraction. English was the last class of the day and it was the first time I’d see Mr. Stone since the break. I hadn’t been able to drum up anyone to join the lit magazine among my friends, so I was eager to hear if he’d had more luck finding us a team. I hadn’t had much time to ponder the magazine over the break, between studying and the mess that was my family. Christmas Day had been the beginning of a strange shift in the Caldwell household. My parents had clearly decided to pretend that none of the conversations/discussions/accusations/heartwrenching revelations had occurred. They treated me as they normally would.

  However, the change was between them. They barely touched each other, or even looked at one another. They shared a polite friendliness that was completely off. I’d stewed over it during the rest of break, wondering if Kyle and Carrie had argued over our situation. Had it brought up truths neither of them had wanted to face?

  It was odd to see them act so distant with one another but I had decided as soon as I realized something had changed between them that I wouldn’t feel guilty about it. I wouldn’t put that on myself.

  That didn’t mean I didn’t think about it, however, and that mixed with studying and falling deeper and deeper in love with my boyfriend meant I’d been distracted from the lit magazine project. That had to change. This term that magazine was going to be a priority.

  Now, walking to class, my determination to put my attention and focus into the magazine was put on hold when I looked outside the first-floor window I was passing and caught sight of something that distracted me again.

  It was Stevie.

  He was in the schoolyard walking away from the building. A pang echoed in my chest at the sight of him in a thin sweater, tracksuit bottoms and the scarf and hat I’d bought him. He was wearing it again.

  A car pulled up outside the school gate as Stevie approached and Dean Angus got out of it. He and Stevie did some kind of street handshake, and my eyes narrowed on the flash of something that passed between their hands. Had Stevie just given him money?

  My stomach flip-flopped again but this time for an entirely different reason. And the feeling only worsened when Stevie got into the car with Dean and it sped off, wheels squealing on the tarmac.

  Stevie had made it quite clear again and again that he was in that life now. It didn’t make it any easier to see it or take away my concern for him.

  Feeling grim, I continued to English.

  “You look a little pale,” Tobias said as I slid into the seat beside him. His brows were creased as he brushed his thumb tenderly over my cheek.

  I swear I heard someone somewhere behind us sigh loudly in envy.

  That someone was Steph, by the way.

  “I’m always pale,” I tried to tease but my smile faltered.

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  I didn’t want to tell him my paleness was only half due to natural skin pigmentation, the other half due to my worry for Stevie’s situation. Over the past few weeks any mention of Stevie made Tobias close up like a clam, so I’d stopped trying to talk about his cousin.

  Mr. Stone walked into class saving me from having to make a decision about whether I should tell Tobias I’d seen Stevie cutting school for Dean. And as soon as class was finished, I told my boyfriend I’d meet him later so I could talk with Mr. Stone about the lit mag. I waited for the class to empty and before I could say anything, Mr. Stone grinned. “It’s ready to go.” He gestured me over to his computer and I waited impatiently for him to log on. “For now, Mrs. Penman would like us to see how popular the website proves before thinking of putting the magazine into print distribution.”

  After typing in a web address, our new lit mag website loaded.

  A felt a little flutter of excitement in my belly. A red banner across the top of the page and in white One Trick Pony font were the words Free Verse. Underneath was the subtitle “Blair Lochrie High School Literary Magazine.”

  “Obviously it isn’t live. And we can change the name if you don’t like it.”

  “I love it.” I grinned. “This is amazing. Do we have a team yet?”

  “We’re getting there. I’ve got a couple of fourth years interested, and Pamela Perry.”

  I tried not to blanch. Pamela was one of Heather’s minions. But, I shrugged it off. If the girl wanted to be part of the magazine, I wasn’t going to stop her. “She knows I’m the editor?” I asked tentatively.

  “She does. Have you had any luck recruiting a team?”

  I shook my head. “I’ll try again.” And I would. I wanted this magazine to work.

  “I’m going to advertise the magazine in school and on our school social media accounts, asking people to submit their poetry and short stories. Exams will be over in a few weeks and hopefully by then we’ll have enough material to get to work on launching the magazine. And of course, we’ll have material from you.”

  I nodded, even though the thought of publishing my work created raucous flutters in my stomach. “I’ll send you the poem I was thinking of kicking the magazine off with.”

  “Great.” He straightened up from the computer. “Another thing. I was wondering perhaps if your father might like to get involved with the project. Having his name attached to the magazine would certainly bring outside interest. If the magazine proved popular, even just within the city, it would go a long way to bolstering your applications for universities.”

  The thought of my dad being a part of the magazine made my toes curl in my shoes in irritation. The feeling warred with the desire to get into the college of my dreams.

  “Comet?”

  I nodded, slowly, a little miserably, as I realized I’d have to swallow my pride for the good of the magazine. “I’ll ask him.”

  “Really? Wonderful. I’m sure he’ll be proud to be involved when it means so much to you. I’m really proud of you, Comet.”

  I beamed, worries about my asking dad momentarily fading. “Thanks, Mr. Stone. For everything.” At his pleased nod of acknowledgment I began to walk out of his classroom. He called my name, halting me at the doorway.

  “I also wanted to say that I like very much what I’ve seen from Tobias since you two have become...friend
s. It’s a wonderful relationship you two have.”

  I grinned at his approval, thanked him and left. And as I walked down the almost empty corridors I shook my head in wonder.

  Never in a million years had I ever imagined finding my place in high school. I’d always accepted the fact that I’d have to wait for university and hope that I found my niche there.

  However, it turned out that maybe I didn’t need to wait to be found.

  Finally, surprisingly, I was no longer lost here.

  * * *

  After school I found Dad in our kitchen, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. He looked up as I wandered into the room with butterflies fighting in my belly. As our gazes connected, I felt a rush of all the different emotions my parents made me feel. Longing, hurt, resentment, weariness, begrudged pride. But I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. Nothing would change our relationship, but I didn’t have to be bitter about it anymore. I had a chance at a wonderful life and of maybe succeeding at making my dreams come true. Would I really let bitterness stop me from reaching for what I wanted?

  No.

  I wouldn’t.

  “I have a favor to ask,” I blurted out.

  Dad’s eyebrows rose and he sat back in his chair expectantly. “Okay.”

  “It’s kind of important to me.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “I asked my English teacher, Mr. Stone, if I could set up a literary magazine and be the editor. It would help with my application to universities. And he said yes.”

  He smiled. “That sounds wonderful, kid. I’m proud of you.”

  I moved farther into the room, not sure how I felt about him telling me he was proud of me. So I didn’t touch it and plowed forward. “Mr. Stone thinks if you put your name to the magazine, like as an honorary staff member or something, it will draw more attention to it. That you would give it a higher profile beyond the school. And he thinks the more popular it is, the more impressive it will be on my university applications. You wouldn’t have to do much,” I reassured him. “Just maybe contribute a bit of writing to it every few months or something, and let us put your picture on the staff member page.”